abolish your best self

Photo By  Ashley Glynn

Photo By Ashley Glynn

Over and over again clients come in to see me for energy healing and when I ask them why they are there, many of them answer the same thing: I want to be my Best Self.

Who is this "Best Self" and why are we always chasing it? 

This used to crush me when I heard it. A deep sadness came to sting me - the whiplash of a past self who used to strive and overwork and overachieve in order to put on the airs of someone who'd never been hurt, someone who wasn't affected by a tumultuous childhood fraught with many unfortunate pains, someone who wasn't messy.

I know all about the brutality of the Best Self. I was haunted by her illusive perfection for decades with an unending lists of to-do's and to-don'ts. Stifled by judgements that never seemed to be satisfied no matter what I had accomplished or abstained from. 

I have changed my approach. I no longer get sad when I hear this answer tumbling from the lips of the most beautiful people I could ever ask the universe to put in front of me. I realize this illusion of Self is just a doorway to another series of questions: who is this best self, I ask? Where did you learn about it first? What's preventing you from living it? Why?

What I have come to observe over thousands of sessions is that the best self is a mythological being.:. Some mysterious emanation carved out of the shadow of comparison. We each have erected this best self and it is somehow etched into the Architecture of our subconscious.

It whispers to us at all moments... reminding us that we aren't enough, that we could have done it better, that we maybe shouldn't have done it at all, that we will never be recognized. It thrives on us never allowing ourselves to be fully at ease - because if we were then it would cease to exist. 

Even our nicest clothes are marked by this stain, and even when we have tried our hardest to look good, feel good, be good, many of us wear our underlying discomfort and we can see it in others... 

The Best Self is always trying, always striving, always uneasy, always seeking validation... 

I will tell you a secret. The Best Self is a lie. An illusion we not only perpetuate onto ourselves but a falsehood we complicitly accept projected onto us by society as well. It forces us to stay small. To doubt. To covet. To be jealous. Insecure. To lust over what is not real because it's not there... Real, in our lives. It forces us to force ourselves rather than embrace ourselves. 

We're already our best, highest, strongest, most beautiful self the moment we decide we are.

We are already all of those things we will become, and there's nothing else we have to do, no workshop we have to take, or retreat we have to go on, no book to read, or tonic to drink, or diet to consume... all we ever really need is to relax and to remember. 



The rest is an illusion. So when we meet and I ask you, why are you here, know that I am already seeing what you are are and that as far as I am concerned, you couldn't be any more radiant. 

Thank you for letting me help you remember, I am so grateful. 

We Are Water



A few weeks ago we had the great honor of having Tiokasin Ghosthorse come and share some Lakota Sioux wisdom with the Golden Drum community. The evening was beautiful and edifying, and I found myself deeply moved by the teachings both spoken and inferred.

In Lakota, there is no word for I. The entire language is based around inclusivity, identification, and interrelation. Not only do the Lakota ( and many indigenous peoples for that matter) identify as intrinsic with one another, but they also do so with the earth, the skies and stars, lands, soil, the great waters, animals and plants.

Each of these elements is a people. To be clear, they don't represent a kind of people, they ARE a people. And each of these people is not simply a reflection of the self, but an actual extension of it. 

This is not an intuitive concept for most western minds to grasp, particularly because we have been engendered to identify with our, I, me, my ness. 

Our relationship to mother earth, to the skies, the ground, the winds, the plant, animal, and elemental people, this is not a way of being that is imparted through transmission or education. It's deeply personal. It's very intimate.

Our inherent connection to this planet- to all of life- is not something that can be given to us because it was never not there. It has always been. 

How can this be explained to a people whose very identity construct is separation, compartmentalization, competition?  

This is why we have been so moved by the impeccable display of humanity by many indigenous nations across the globe who have come to stand in solidarity with the water protectors of Standing Rock. It is understood that they are not going solely to support someone else's mission or prayer, but their own. 

When we pray for water, when we clean it, when we bless it and protect it, we enter into direct communion with all of the waters of earth. Not only that, but we become sacred activists and protectors over the water in our bodies. Our feminine nature. Our subconscious. Our yin energy. Our mystery.

We are water. Not only is water the most populous element in this universe, but it accounts for 70-80% of our bodies. Water coats everything down to the codons in our DNA. 

We ARE Water. Feel that. Let it sink in. 

Wisdom keepers have known this since time immemorial. That is why sound, which causes vibration, has been used as a technique for healing across every tradition. It's why we enter tipis and sing songs in prayer ceremonies. Why medicine people chant over the body of an ailing person. Why entire structures such as the Serapeum in Ancient Egypt were erected as temples to commune with great spirit of sound. 

Sound creates vibration. Vibration influences form. Form takes shape and becomes physical manifestation in reality. This happens through water. This is how illness takes root. This is how health can be restored. 

Water listens. 

We may not be aware of it, but this progression is what is taking place. Inside all of the waters of earth are tiny microscopic crystals. These crystals collect memories. They are record keepers. They can be programmed. They amplify.

Mystics all over the world use water to scry. If you can hear/see the water, then there is no question about what is going on with the earth water, your own body. It's all connected... it's all interrelated. 

Many seekers are awakened to the mystery of crystals, but few are only now becoming aware of the mysteries of the waters. 

The black snake of oil is not solely a threat to the waters in the earth. This attack on water is an attack on consciousness. On all of us, it is so deep and so premeditated.

Everything that happens to us happens to the earth and vice versa. 

But energy moves in so many directions. So I invite you to stand with the waters of life and claim your direction and sovereignty. Stand with Standing Rock, with Split Rock, with the emerging human consciousness, with your own sacred Self, and pray. Become responsible. Claim your relationship. 

Pray over your own body as though it is the earth. Because it IS the earth. Pray over the waters of your own being as if life depended on it... 

At 2pm EST, the water guardians who have been tirelessly protection Oceti Camp are being forcefully evicted from the land.

I beg you to stop what you are doing just then- or now- and close your eyes and find your ineffable and unshakable connection to the earth.

Do not look without. Look within.

Imagine an earth in each of your cells. Imagine a million earths vibrating in their purest health and radiance. Call upon the benevolent forces of whatever deities you pray to, whatever animal people, whatever form of great spirit and invoke the energy of divine intervention. Invoke the sacred imperative of life. Anchor the energies of peace, of freedom, joy, the brilliant rainbow of love and compassion, within every last cell of your being. 


We belong to each other. We belong to life.

Thank you for all of your efforts and your prayers and your breathtaking vulnerability toward our collective healing and remembrance. 

I am with you in mind, body, and spirit. 


Support Standing Rock Sioux in Washington DC today. Buy a t-shirt. Proceeds will go directly to Elders. They are available in Small, Medium, Large, XL


Hard edges can be softened by love. 

This weekend we saw the heart of humanity rise and unite across the globe. We marched for freedom. For black freedom. For women's freedom. For Mexican and Muslim freedom. For LGBT freedom. For the freedom of choice. For native freedom. For the freedom of all people. 

In the fallout of this tremendous beauty, I have heard whispers. Whispers of judgement. Whispers of hatred. Whispers of intolerance. 

Intolerance of intolerance is not tolerance. 

Let's be clear- no one is welcoming bullies over here, but hateful speech toward any group or person- even hateful groups of people- works to diminishe the power of of a remarkably powerful movement. We do not have to go there. 

Hateful speech and thoughts is a function of black magic. The effect of which is like praying for our most terrible nightmare to come to us. 

We are responsible for the effect we have on others. We are responsible for our actions and their influence whether or not we are aware of what we are doing. 

Look around. The movements emerging are in service of life and not against it. They want to protect, empower, integrate, disclose... these times have been prophesied. 

As such, it's important to stay centered. And as much as we can and without creating unnecessary friction, we have to keep ourselves- and each other- in integrity with our shared vision for a peaceful world. This includes everyone.

Tolerance speaks to endurance and fortitude. A desire to stay connected despite disparate ideologies. We judge what we do not understand. It's vital to point out that understanding and agreement are not the same thing. 

Accepting people who share our general views of the world is obvious. What requires significantly more discipline and humility is creating safe space for the other.  Being compassionate enough to hold those who are suffering enough to cause suffering for others in the same light as we would our family, our friends, and those whom we admire. This is a function of white magic. 

The punctuation of this age will be staggering, great light, deep shadow...

Dedicate time to keeping the inspiration and action high. Honor yourself. Serve your community. Cultivate beauty. It might seem like work at first, but like anything through practice it becomes second nature.

Thank you to all of the people who are radiating light for this amazing world we live in, in the myriad ways it manifests, it's all beautiful and needed. May our paths toward peace be protected.

Clear Mind. Pure Heart. Open Body. 


the book of light.

Idle distraction is an instrument for the darkness. To be overcome by the shadow of darkness, we must first become seduced by its manifold distractions and that's precisely where many of us get caught.

Distraction isn't the issue, but the medium. The job of the medium is to expose a message or understanding that would otherwise stay obscured to the world. As such we can use the medium as a neutral force. What is the distraction pointing to in ourselves, society, the world? Why did we follow it, where did it lead us, how deep did we go, whose voice was resounding behind it?

Gather information. Use scientific method. Scrutinize everything. 

All of these details inform us about the opponent. The opponent likes to stay hidden, so it uses distraction to knock us off its trail. Sometimes the distraction is overwhelming. The objective of the opponent is multi faceted, but its primary focus is to get us to believe that the darkness is real**.

We're all more or less smart here so we do know that the darkness is real. The question then becomes this: why is the darkness trying so hard to convince us of itself?  

Herein lies the vulnerability. It is exposed by objective exploration of the distraction: why is the darkness so biting right now with Syria, Standing Rock, Pedophilia, The US Presidency, Rape Culture, WikiLeaks, Famine, Poverty, Police Brutality?

What is the darkness trying so desperately to cover up with every last inch of its shadowy cloak?

If the darkness is real, so too is the light. But here's the thing: the light is getting stronger. 

True light never seeks to convince us of what it is, it just is... its radiance is blinding, binding, and exalting at once. It has a way of elevating us the moment we witness and connect with it. The light doesn't deny the darkness exists, but by its nature it shines into itself and everything around it. The light adds a depth of field to anything it touches.

This is one of the few ways the darkness and the light behave similarly. Momentum is gathered based on participation. 

We are wading through the detritus of conflicting ideologies. In the age of disclosure and disinformation, we must proceed wakefully, and with discernment -- and responsibility -- as to what we are coding into existence. For every f**ked up thing that's happening in this moment, look at the marvelousness of the human spirit... 

This is one of the many ways the light and the darkness behave differently, the light burns through the darkness as a guide, a star map, a constellation. It ignites our remembrance of everything that once was and will be again. It is a sky teaching on how to endure and radiate in darkness. 

I write this as a way to keep myself accountable to the present and future I truly dream to see us all flourish in.

It is one thing is to process the grief of what has happened, but another altogether to be held captive by its shadow. A desperate cloak that wishes solely to convince you that nothing you do for love matters because the nightmare of its distractions are supplanted so vehemently the dream. 

Look deeper. The edges are cracking. The lotus blossoms. The human heart is healing. The human mind is clearing. The wisdom of the earth is returning to us. Let this be your guide and your distraction. 

The book of light is being written. Sing your psalms into the world. We are rising. 



**When i refer to the darkness here I am not referring to the night sky, the yin energy or what it represents, the lower three chakras, the feminine, or baser human nature (though if unattended to will pull you to the darkness) but rather chaos, the vanity of staying undone, unhealthy, unactivated, and disempowered. I am referring to the energy of destruction for the sake of destruction. 

A Living Prayer

There has never been a moment since my birth that we have not been at war. We being humanity. 33 years later, my generation has never known peace as a permeating social, cultural, and economic principle given nearly as much credence, legislation, and resources as conflict and division. This constant state of tension has forced many of us to carve out a life for ourselves where peace is not a luxury but an internal practice and dialogue that we actively cultivate through the choices we make on an individual level. As a collective, an increasing number of people are reclaiming responsibility and making commitments to live in integrity with the fundamental and governing forces of life.

The wellness and spiritual industry have never been so robust as they are now. However in parallel, the entertainment and consumption industries are producing increasingly more revenue and products through the exceedingly profane use and glorification of violence, disembodied sex, and rampant ingestion of drugs and alcohol. Stand alone, not all of these mediums are damaging and certainly they are not to blame for the situation at hand. Used in tandem however, and with divisive agendas, these tools create division and perpetuate distraction pushing us to the verge of soulessness.

But we are reappropriating what it means to be in life and honesty with soulfulness. So much in the same vein that terrorism, intolerance, bigotry and the industrial complex seek to undermine the fundamental integrity of life, the response in symmetry is to get to our mats, our healing circles, book clubs, and spiritual practices in order to innovate ways to preserve and germinate the seeds that make us stewards to our true inheritance of the human experience.

In the wake of last week’s terrorist attacks, not only in Paris, but in Beirut, in Kenya, and Baghdad, a Mayan Proverb kept entering my field of consciousness, “They tried to bury us but they did not know that we were seeds.” This is the way the incredibly sophisticated intelligence of our biological organism works, somewhere buried in the codons of our DNA is a genetic memory that we have known peace and harmony, that we have lived alongside the earth and a multitude of animals, plants, minerals and other humans without declaring ourselves masters over anything. These epigenetic seeds are an emerging reminder that there is another way and that that way- though certainly fraught with its own challenges, was inherently good and worth remembering.

It can be argued that the wellness and entertainment sectors are doing as well as they are by virtue of technological advancements and an increasing population that has access to the channels. I will state that we can flood these channels with materials rich in solutions and questions that give rise to collaborative efforts and innovation. Some will argue that for as long as we have lived, we have been at war with one another as tribes, as territories, then nations, and now as corporations. I will simply suggest that the very act of war is indicative of our innate ability to band together behind a unified cause. Many argue that it is impossible to interact with extremists. I declare that calling anything impossible is an act of extremism which leaves very little room to develop strategic and meaningful spaces where there is an opportunity to create a new conversation. One that incites healing through forgiveness, taking personal responsibility, becoming accountable to growth, and forging a way forward that respects and integrates diversity as a governing quality of life. The metaphor is the seed. To flourish, much less survive, we need permaculture- not monoculture.

Life can either happen to us or with us, but it is certain to happen one way or the other. There is a great awakening happening on this planet and people are actively deciding to be accountable for themselves in the inescapable process of evolution. Perhaps the long goal involves evolving economic policy, political ideologies, and social agreements. We arrive there by first evolving the way we interact with ourselves, our families, our community, our work. When done collectively, this process of excavation, editing, and redefining will have an irreparable effect on the very core of structures which seek to undermine or destroy life.

Saturday afternoon in meditation, I revisited a passage from my teacher’s book, “Be a prayer, rather than reciting one.” And so I got to writing and reclaiming myself as a living prayer. Someone asked me if they could “steal my prayer” when I posted this on Social Media. I reflected to myself, this does not belong to me- it belongs to life. And I am accountable to like. And I am a seed, just like you, just like everyone. And I am a prayer.